The 5 Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As I stated in my very first blog post, we are not living in the camper because we really want to live in a camper. We are living in a camper more out of necessity. We are trying to build a house and this was the most economical way to get it done. With that being said, it is important to point out that I was not in the least bit enthusiastic about it. When we figured out we really had no other options I was in denial. I was just hoping that some other option would magically appear and we would be saved from having to move into the camper. I remember thinking to myself “oh it will be temporary, we will figure something else out.” It has been over 9 months with no end in site.

We moved into the camper on April 15th, 2016 (yes, tax day) and it was a spring snow storm. It was windy, cold, and dreary. There were a few holes in the roof and thus a few spots where water was leaking into the camper . After we moved the camper to it’s final destination at the percheron farm, I immediately left to go to the gym to get in the hot tub and take a hot shower. That day was also the beginning of a spring snow storm. Of course it had to be snowing and cold the day we move into the camper. What the hell. The first several nights of sleeping there were fitful and I had signed up for the horsetooth half marathon that Sunday, just two days after moving into the camper. What was I thinking?

The weather did eventually improve, but things were not moving very fast with building the home. At this time only my coworkers, close friends, and family knew we were living in the camper. I was a little ashamed. I was angry that we had to be here. So I started to search for homes that were already built. I thought that if only we could find a home that was exactly what we wanted for the right price, we could sell our land and move into a house right away. No more camping. So I set up an account on a local real estate site and every time a house that seemed nice and within our price range came up I would show it to Dustin. Dustin kept telling me to be patient, but I am not a patient person. I would sometimes spend hours looking at local real estate listings, hoping I would find something, anything that would convince him that we should buy instead of build. I started bargaining with him to just consider my idea. There were a few times he would agree with me and we would look at a house, but the houses were never really what we wanted. In the end he was right, there was nothing with the amount of land we wanted for the price we wanted.

Once I realized there was nothing I could do. I was stuck in the camper and it had been several months without much progress on our house. I was beginning to realize that my camper experience was just beginning. We were in it for the long haul. The depression settled in. Not full blown, clinical depression. Just a sadness and frustration. I had already found ways to deal with the camper experience, but I was still not feeling ready to be vocal about it. There were only hints of it on social media, but I really did not want most people to know this was our home. I was having a hard time finding acceptance. My mom suggested when we first moved into the camper that I start a blog about the experience. I thought it was a good idea, but was not ready.

Then, finally I was ready. I accepted the fact that this is our home and we are going to be here for a while. I decided I had  one of two choices, I could be pissed off about it and depressed, or I could deal with it and try my hardest to make it positive. I am not saying that I finally accepted it and everything is  perfect and that living in a camper is great all the time, but instead of being mad and depressed about it I am trying to find the positivity in it and hopefully the humor.


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